The boat of self-help,
laden with techniques, methods and ideas,
set sail from Western shores
and has found its way
into every home,
every screen,
every bookshelf.
It has found its takers.
It has found its believers.
What it has rarely found —
is someone it has truly cured.
In recent years,
The concept of personal transformation —
has been fervently championed
by self-help gurus, speakers and coaches alike.
Somehow, when it comes to self-improvement,
most people value and chase
the newer concept,
the fresher idea!
In truth, each harbours a desire to change something
about themselves and
there is nothing wrong with that aspiration.
The pursuit of self-improvement
was intended to foster healthier relationships and
cultivate a life of peace and purpose.
However, this notion of change
has done little to transform
the lived experience of an individual.
Instead, it has become a self-defeating pursuit –
leaving the vast majority
more constrained than before.
The concept of self-improvement
has largely been reduced to reshaping one’s self-image,
how others perceive them,
rather than addressing
how one truly lives with oneself.
It has been absorbed into lives
through forming new habits, routines,
affirmations, manifestations, gratitude journals,
5 minute rules, mindfulness practices and such more.
Do not get me wrong my friend,
while these practices and pursuits have their
merits and essence,
however, something crucial often gets lost.
Some become more intellectual.
Some more spiritual.
Some more socially refined.
But the essential questions –
why does one not live well?
or where does the root of problem reside? –
are largely ignored or rather left unexplored.
A small parable to capture the essence of it –
-“The oars of self-help –
tools through which a man navigates
his boat of life,
serve him well
when he sails in a quiet lake,
where the wind is gentle, waves are mere ripples and
currents are weak.
But when his boat is exposed to
the rapids of the river
or the might of open sea,
these oars may hold him for a short while.
Eventually, they prove ineffective
and soon the boat
loses direction and some sink altogether.
Simply because, tools of self – help cannot provide what they do not possess”.
Problems of life are real my friend.
The oars sold in the marketplace of self-improvement,
are built with fragile wood and clay.
They work when conditions are set right
and the terrain familiar.
In this relentless pursuit of self-improvement,
one often gains nothing tangible – but
gives rise to a false sense of self.
A self that is pursuing something!
Unaware, one becomes entangled
in an endless ego-driven chase,
striving to maintain and
feed this new, fabricated identity.
The rituals and methods of self-help,
keeps a man on the periphery of his deeper problems,
rather than looking directly at them.
And honestly my friend,
as i have observed –
just being on the Journey of self-improvement
is more attractive for vast majority of people,
than truly arriving.
Arriving at place
Where one has faced his problems directly.
Where one lives better than yesterday.
Where his relationship with himself changes.
And perhaps this is where
the real question lies:
Does anyone truly try to understand
what troubles them?
Or have they simply become better at managing themselves
within the same problems?
Because my friend,
there is a subtle difference between –
changing oneself and understanding why one needs
to change in the first place.
